Nepotised

There have been blues out there, about the Nepotism, but I duly felt that for around 15-16 years ago. When I was with minimal or almost no friends or I didn't tried making them as I was so choosy in making friends and kids around me I felt were above me or below me, not academically but personally.  

If I try to recall the scenario of 2003-04, In my first School, class monitor changed every month,  the friends of the monitor always escaped even after mischievous deeds. Some kids had an ability to change friends every month( i.e whosoever is the monitor, had the maximum friends) but I utterly failed in that skill. So I had my name on blackboard every time the teacher comes in even if I did nothing.

During the Recess time all the kids including me would try and run out to capture all the swings (jhoola). I was fond of Hammock chair swings, but couldn't capture it , so all the kids who captured it(jhoola), would only gave chance to their own friends during the whole Recess time of 40 Minutes.

I felt bad at that time and urged them for just one chance and that they never gave. I had so much love for that swing, as it was the only thing in the school which would turn me on😋. I did tried to be friends with the kids of much higher cadre, but never got along with them.

The only time they made me their friend was on my Birthday, when for the first time I carried sweets to school for distribution and to attract the girls to me so that they would come to me and urge me to be my friend $ and would take her to the other classes for tofees distribution also I would give them 3-4 more tofees...(just a Convent thing🙃).

I made one of them my maid for the day and for that day I was a celebrity. I got chances for the swing I got to feel that excitement and that sudden rush inside me. And I thought now I have friends with whom I can hang around and would do lunch with them.

But the next day, in the morning, I went to her, and she ignored me. In the Recess time when she was Swinging I asked her to give me a chance, but she whole heartedly denied. I remember vaguely but she said " No You are not my Friend, I will give chance only to _____". I was your friend only for yesterday that too for the Cadbury toffees you brought".

I was shattered, damn shattered, cried the hell out of me, like a kid as I was a kid.

For the rest of the year I was into shock and urging my father to get me change my school.

I made 3 friends and the history repeated itself but the story changed as those all 3 got failed in the same class.

Again I was isolated in the next class, and just tried to be with people with whom I was never comfortable with and again left out. I felt lost, I was disturbed with that loneliness and isolation and ended up having lunch in washroom to evade from the eyes of people or from the feeling of loneliness.

Some how my father came to know about it and for the first and the last time went to the parents teachers meeting(PTM) and requested my Teacher to help me making friends, which surely never helped, but surely took me to another level of mental torture.

This was till 2007... 

In 2009 I met 3 Loves of my life and never got apart from them....

Unki kahaani kbhi aur...

Boycott

Not Only should India but every Country should Boycott China, now.

But HOW?

If I see things around me, or what I use on daily basis, How should I Boycott.

The Phone I use is a Chinese one.

Or the Phone my family uses has Li-ion battery made in China, should we throw that away.

The digital board, the plotter used in my office is not manufactured in India but in China. 

Optical fibre through which internet is accessed, is made in China, the power plant from where electricity is accessed, turbine is made in China the medicine we consume, almost 70% of API is imported from China (and we are holding the tag of Poor's Pharmacy) , Even the fertilizers and what not.

Flowing in emotion of Nationalism and just breaking things, is bigger sin.

If that freaking true nationalism has arisen in Indians then you can't be selective in using Chinese products. For Example We can uninstall Tiktok that we can do, that won't hamper our luxury, if you want to boycott, do it wholely and fully. 

 Everything should be planned keeping in mind the repercussions, when China will play it's card against India in answer to the Boycott. Diplomacy is like a chessboard, we don't know what will be the next  step of opponent. Is India ready for the consequences. 

Chinese Companies also invested in Zomato, Paytm, Ola etc, and have higher stakes in them.

Is India ready for the total boycott of Chinese products, is there any alternative to the products. Or the Indian Industries will start manufacturing the products in a day or month or within a year, that too cheap products.

Are we Really AatmaNirbhar

Mahatma Gandhi also Boycotted British Goods, the difference is he was not selective. He gave up everything, that too a cloth of his body. Also he gave a substitute i.e Khadi Charkha.

Just to divert the attention from the core, this kind of tactics are being played. This on the root, actually shows the Diplomacy has failed. Political parties are just being political and playing blame games at the time of crisis which may only message the other, that how politically Divided this country is and fighting among themselves.

Instead of waging blind war, India should try to enhance its Manufacturing and production and leave behind China interms of Trade. India should fight in Trade war and leave behind its opponent.

Also should learn a lesson from US-China war. US being a super Power bend down on its knees and had to come down to trade agreement. If America couldn't win in front of China..Is India Ready???!!!

May be or May be NOT

My Mother's First message

I don't know why.. but I really wanted to capture this moment of me and my mother Chatting for the first time.

My mother has always been away from technology and much disinterested. 

Not wanting to learn not wanting to type just say it and YouTube will play it, just say it and Google will search it, her mirror with Phone was that much only. But this time I have seen her learning so deligently, because she misses me and couldn't talk to me, so now she really wanted to text me and wanted to chit chat with me, share everything with me. Earlier she used to teach me, now I thought her. Times change and we the children become Teachers to our Guardians.

This moment is Special and Incalculable at the same time for me. Never thought that she will learn it so quickly and text me on her own.

1 Year at my work place

Today a year ago on 27th June just after 20 days of my college ended, I joined a reputed MNC.

20 din pahle hi to College se nikle, abhi to uss zone/sadme se baahar bhi nhi aae and this Office Life.

A day before my parents and my younger brother came to see me off. As for the first time I was going far away from my home, they were emotional I too was emotional, but I  trying to be practical "One has to leave home town to do good/"

I don't know who the hell once told me "Aapki Janm Bhoomi aapki Karm Bhoomi nhi ban Sakti" or it was the seed of my own brain, I don't remember.

 I went to Noida on 26th June, with a heavy heart, but with a positive vibe, but with an anxiety too.

Watching those big buildings with big brands while entering Noida was a blow to my mind and a gist of pressure.

I was anxious, about my tomorrow's joining i.e, 27th June, 2019, as it was too quick for me. 

I didn't knew what the day i.e, 26th June ahead had in its pocket.

At the eavning while talking to my friend we came to know that our 8th Semester result is out.

My anxiety at its 100 levels of peak. 

Why...why why why????? today...

After a few seconds I came to know I scored 75% along with a Backlog...  That's funny you know, heart wrenching at the same time, backlog and 75%.

My anxiety levels at zero, coolness of body can be felt.

Scary visuals of whether I be able to join tomorrow or not ,or I will have to get back from where I have come, with all my luggage.

Calling all my college faculties, they all calling me, and vice versa. They all consoling me and I am consoling myself calling my seniors and instead of calming me down they are like Ye kya Kar diya (In Engineering language)

I Couldn't forget that day. 

But after all the drama in my head, I thought(See what kind of kiddo I was)...

 I was like... Kal Jo hoga Dekha jaaega I should be Proud Btech ke 1st Semester me back and at the end Btech ke last Semester me back, Aur Btech Kiya aur usme back Nahi lagi to kya khaak Engineering kari. Wowwwww what a great record I have.

And with this so much (pseudo)positivity I went to sleep.

Tada... 

Thanks for Reading

Sleepless Nights

This year is Solely termed as "Aapdaaon Ka Saal"...

I have been handling this very time very positively, as that's what I wanted all my life, i.e, No Social Life , staying alone, with God damn no routine, away from people. 

These 3 months  (March-18 june) were absolutely brilliant in terms of my life and learning. Be it cooking, or be it sharpening my tech skills, or be it learning about the people and policies, I have done it all. 

There were scenarios where we have seen so many drastic scenes. But till then too Corona positive cases were not at peak. 

As time approached we all have witnessed Crashing Infrastructure, Crashing Health, Crashing Laws, and also Crashing People with more than 10000 Cases per day.  This time I had never imagined would be experienced by us. I have only heard of such times like World War , Plague, Spanish Flu, Recession, Great Depression, Crisis etc.

Thousands of people dying each Day, dead bodies getting buffed up, Running out of space to cremate  dead bodies. Initially there were lacking beds but gradually there is lack of space. People staying home are getting more vulnerable to stress which is leading to increase in violence. But seeing what is going around is just shaking me as hell. 

Past a few days were not that good and were shaking.

Reading news and screaming your views and all is good until your known person gets a victim of it. That has happened to me as one of my known realtive was a victim of Covid -19 and as the health infra has already crashed, she couldn't get a much of better treatment.

Her death and watching people's experiences in the country turned out devastating for me. That has just shaken me. This may sound wierd to some people. But I am a social animal and things do effect, specially when you are living your life in quarantine without seeing people around you since last 3months.

Initially I turned off Social Media, buy couldn't stay away from feed. This particular phase of, Lockdown has made me vulnerable and has taken my sleep away. I am feeling sleepless for the last 10 days and end up watching 3 movies a night.

So I take a sigh of relief and drive crazy to  just get back to my place: My Home: Nest. 

Peace

Juneteenth, 2020

Failure N.0

Through Avul Pakir Jainulabdeen Abdul Kalam

Kalam, a personality which can't be described in any canvas. Born in a Tamil family, small village of Rameshwaram. Father Jainulabdeen, neither much educated nor much wealthy.

Mother used to fed people, whole day went into kitchen, far more outsiders ate with them than all the members of their own family put together. He was a short boy with not so good looks to handsome parents.

Didn't had much money to go to school. Also Kalam was keen to take maths tuition from his maths teacher, once that teacher conditioned students that, he will give classes to the pupil who are going to come at 4:am in the morning, and that too for free. Kalam used to wake up and went to maths classes at 4:am.

He tells a scenario of the time, when his brother had a work of distribution of news paper, that newspaper used to come via  railways from Pumba to Rameshwaram, but during the time of World War II trains stopped haulting at Rameshwaram and the driver used to throw the bundles of news paper while train in motion. He used to glean and catch those Newspapers and then help in distribution.

Kalam used to see the Birds flying around and asked his Guru about the principle behind it, his teacher failed to explain him. After which a kid from poor background, thought of flying an aeroplane and fly like a bird.

He completed schooling  and went on to complete his Graduation i.e, BSc. in Physics.

There a teacher who imprints on Kalams life said to him: There are 3things which one should never forget, Desire(Ichcha), Faith(Aastha), Expectation (Umeed), imbibing which you can pass any hurdle.

In Final Year of BSc he  dropped out and went ahead for Aeronautical Engineering in MIT. Here too didn't had fees to pay and her married sister mortgage her jewellery to pay the fees as a  result he always seeked scholarship. But one year he was struck in completing the project and asked for extension from Project head . Project head said today is Friday you have time till Monday, complete your Project or the scholarship will be terminated. For Kalam Scholarship was everything, he completed the work which almost required a month within 3 days forgetting everything. Project Head  analysed the project and said he knew that "You will do  it better in Pressure".

In Final Year he gets into the interview of Airforce and DRDO, regarding which he says he for the first time came out of South and saw the whole of India, the Ganga basin , Himalaya, Plains etc. 

In Airforce 8 candidates were to be selected and he got the 9th position. See the failure , He always wanted to be a pilot, by seeing the result he might have thought of his Career being haulted and over. The dream of becoming Pilot was shattered: Failure1 

He was selected by DRDO...   

Had he been selected in Airforce, We might not have got.         

The Missile Man of Our Country.

There is a long list of his Failures which might have broken him and shattered. But he still stood a hard rock.

I will try to continue the remaining in the next Blog.

Thanks for reading... 

My drive from a Fan to ....

It's just half a year is Gone By and 2020 has shown the worst out of it. Now I am getting disturbed by that. Deaths disturb me lot, Piling up deaths this year is a what I never thought of, that I would experience this phase also. 

But that's different today for me as I get to remember a scenario which had disturbed me in the past as well.

Being a 90's kid I was fan of Bollywood and became a bigg fan in my teenage. But gradually as I grew up that interest got eroded it tilted towards art and talent and not the big and beautiful stars. Also there were instances where I was so deeply interested in every film that I used to mimic them and created superficial crushes during my High Schools. 

As the time passed I lost interest in watching films may be due to the kind of content these films were creating or may be I grew up. I felt everything was superficial and extra lavishly presented.And my interest shifted to art rather than romance and action. I still love watching movies of "my times" which makes me laugh, Works as mind soother. 

Also today on social media people talk about nepotism, yeah one of the reasons which eroded my interest. One of my juniors had a wish to get a chance in films. And I being an intellectual senior (haha) guided them it's hard it's really hard, you have to be strong, you should firstly complete your studies and you should have connections. You have to get through so much you can't think of, if you can stand still in those tough situations, then you must give it a try.

From above Eg: it's pretty much clear how difficult it is and what kind of impression does it creates on people like me.

An AIR 7, in AIEEE Engineer  in Mechanical Engineering takes a risk of dropping out and after creating pretty much good base of work in Television enters Bollywood and what he experience there is Insult and nepotism. Even after doing far better films than his contemporaries no appreciation and no friends. He used to urge people to go and watch his film otherwise they will kick him out.  A person with high intelligence who talked about educational reforms astro physics, Invested in AI Company, followed International Space University gets what in return is threat of being left out, stress and stigma. Yes because illiterate people whose life just revolves around the OOTD, Prithvi Raj Chauhan as the President of India, and to whom Sanjeevni Booti was brought for Bhagwaan Ram  couldn't mark upto his intelligence. Capitalism in industry is what has taken all over control by a few families.It applies to every field and business.

Being from an Engineering background I feel "Wo ek Engineer hokar Bhi haar gya"(Here I judged him) how much pain he might be going through that ending life felt more easy than to live.

People who all are baatoing their Gyaan all over social media on depression and saying that call me whenever you feel are the ones who judge people for sharing their thoughts and ignore them. And don't realise that person might not be even able to utter why he feel so and just gets struck into the vicious cycle, where he might feel ending life is the only way to get out of it.