My Mother's First message

I don't know why.. but I really wanted to capture this moment of me and my mother Chatting for the first time.

My mother has always been away from technology and much disinterested. 

Not wanting to learn not wanting to type just say it and YouTube will play it, just say it and Google will search it, her mirror with Phone was that much only. But this time I have seen her learning so deligently, because she misses me and couldn't talk to me, so now she really wanted to text me and wanted to chit chat with me, share everything with me. Earlier she used to teach me, now I thought her. Times change and we the children become Teachers to our Guardians.

This moment is Special and Incalculable at the same time for me. Never thought that she will learn it so quickly and text me on her own.

1 Year at my work place

Today a year ago on 27th June just after 20 days of my college ended, I joined a reputed MNC.

20 din pahle hi to College se nikle, abhi to uss zone/sadme se baahar bhi nhi aae and this Office Life.

A day before my parents and my younger brother came to see me off. As for the first time I was going far away from my home, they were emotional I too was emotional, but I  trying to be practical "One has to leave home town to do good/"

I don't know who the hell once told me "Aapki Janm Bhoomi aapki Karm Bhoomi nhi ban Sakti" or it was the seed of my own brain, I don't remember.

 I went to Noida on 26th June, with a heavy heart, but with a positive vibe, but with an anxiety too.

Watching those big buildings with big brands while entering Noida was a blow to my mind and a gist of pressure.

I was anxious, about my tomorrow's joining i.e, 27th June, 2019, as it was too quick for me. 

I didn't knew what the day i.e, 26th June ahead had in its pocket.

At the eavning while talking to my friend we came to know that our 8th Semester result is out.

My anxiety at its 100 levels of peak. 

Why...why why why????? today...

After a few seconds I came to know I scored 75% along with a Backlog...  That's funny you know, heart wrenching at the same time, backlog and 75%.

My anxiety levels at zero, coolness of body can be felt.

Scary visuals of whether I be able to join tomorrow or not ,or I will have to get back from where I have come, with all my luggage.

Calling all my college faculties, they all calling me, and vice versa. They all consoling me and I am consoling myself calling my seniors and instead of calming me down they are like Ye kya Kar diya (In Engineering language)

I Couldn't forget that day. 

But after all the drama in my head, I thought(See what kind of kiddo I was)...

 I was like... Kal Jo hoga Dekha jaaega I should be Proud Btech ke 1st Semester me back and at the end Btech ke last Semester me back, Aur Btech Kiya aur usme back Nahi lagi to kya khaak Engineering kari. Wowwwww what a great record I have.

And with this so much (pseudo)positivity I went to sleep.

Tada... 

Thanks for Reading

Sleepless Nights

This year is Solely termed as "Aapdaaon Ka Saal"...

I have been handling this very time very positively, as that's what I wanted all my life, i.e, No Social Life , staying alone, with God damn no routine, away from people. 

These 3 months  (March-18 june) were absolutely brilliant in terms of my life and learning. Be it cooking, or be it sharpening my tech skills, or be it learning about the people and policies, I have done it all. 

There were scenarios where we have seen so many drastic scenes. But till then too Corona positive cases were not at peak. 

As time approached we all have witnessed Crashing Infrastructure, Crashing Health, Crashing Laws, and also Crashing People with more than 10000 Cases per day.  This time I had never imagined would be experienced by us. I have only heard of such times like World War , Plague, Spanish Flu, Recession, Great Depression, Crisis etc.

Thousands of people dying each Day, dead bodies getting buffed up, Running out of space to cremate  dead bodies. Initially there were lacking beds but gradually there is lack of space. People staying home are getting more vulnerable to stress which is leading to increase in violence. But seeing what is going around is just shaking me as hell. 

Past a few days were not that good and were shaking.

Reading news and screaming your views and all is good until your known person gets a victim of it. That has happened to me as one of my known realtive was a victim of Covid -19 and as the health infra has already crashed, she couldn't get a much of better treatment.

Her death and watching people's experiences in the country turned out devastating for me. That has just shaken me. This may sound wierd to some people. But I am a social animal and things do effect, specially when you are living your life in quarantine without seeing people around you since last 3months.

Initially I turned off Social Media, buy couldn't stay away from feed. This particular phase of, Lockdown has made me vulnerable and has taken my sleep away. I am feeling sleepless for the last 10 days and end up watching 3 movies a night.

So I take a sigh of relief and drive crazy to  just get back to my place: My Home: Nest. 

Peace

Juneteenth, 2020

Failure N.0

Through Avul Pakir Jainulabdeen Abdul Kalam

Kalam, a personality which can't be described in any canvas. Born in a Tamil family, small village of Rameshwaram. Father Jainulabdeen, neither much educated nor much wealthy.

Mother used to fed people, whole day went into kitchen, far more outsiders ate with them than all the members of their own family put together. He was a short boy with not so good looks to handsome parents.

Didn't had much money to go to school. Also Kalam was keen to take maths tuition from his maths teacher, once that teacher conditioned students that, he will give classes to the pupil who are going to come at 4:am in the morning, and that too for free. Kalam used to wake up and went to maths classes at 4:am.

He tells a scenario of the time, when his brother had a work of distribution of news paper, that newspaper used to come via  railways from Pumba to Rameshwaram, but during the time of World War II trains stopped haulting at Rameshwaram and the driver used to throw the bundles of news paper while train in motion. He used to glean and catch those Newspapers and then help in distribution.

Kalam used to see the Birds flying around and asked his Guru about the principle behind it, his teacher failed to explain him. After which a kid from poor background, thought of flying an aeroplane and fly like a bird.

He completed schooling  and went on to complete his Graduation i.e, BSc. in Physics.

There a teacher who imprints on Kalams life said to him: There are 3things which one should never forget, Desire(Ichcha), Faith(Aastha), Expectation (Umeed), imbibing which you can pass any hurdle.

In Final Year of BSc he  dropped out and went ahead for Aeronautical Engineering in MIT. Here too didn't had fees to pay and her married sister mortgage her jewellery to pay the fees as a  result he always seeked scholarship. But one year he was struck in completing the project and asked for extension from Project head . Project head said today is Friday you have time till Monday, complete your Project or the scholarship will be terminated. For Kalam Scholarship was everything, he completed the work which almost required a month within 3 days forgetting everything. Project Head  analysed the project and said he knew that "You will do  it better in Pressure".

In Final Year he gets into the interview of Airforce and DRDO, regarding which he says he for the first time came out of South and saw the whole of India, the Ganga basin , Himalaya, Plains etc. 

In Airforce 8 candidates were to be selected and he got the 9th position. See the failure , He always wanted to be a pilot, by seeing the result he might have thought of his Career being haulted and over. The dream of becoming Pilot was shattered: Failure1 

He was selected by DRDO...   

Had he been selected in Airforce, We might not have got.         

The Missile Man of Our Country.

There is a long list of his Failures which might have broken him and shattered. But he still stood a hard rock.

I will try to continue the remaining in the next Blog.

Thanks for reading... 

My drive from a Fan to ....

It's just half a year is Gone By and 2020 has shown the worst out of it. Now I am getting disturbed by that. Deaths disturb me lot, Piling up deaths this year is a what I never thought of, that I would experience this phase also. 

But that's different today for me as I get to remember a scenario which had disturbed me in the past as well.

Being a 90's kid I was fan of Bollywood and became a bigg fan in my teenage. But gradually as I grew up that interest got eroded it tilted towards art and talent and not the big and beautiful stars. Also there were instances where I was so deeply interested in every film that I used to mimic them and created superficial crushes during my High Schools. 

As the time passed I lost interest in watching films may be due to the kind of content these films were creating or may be I grew up. I felt everything was superficial and extra lavishly presented.And my interest shifted to art rather than romance and action. I still love watching movies of "my times" which makes me laugh, Works as mind soother. 

Also today on social media people talk about nepotism, yeah one of the reasons which eroded my interest. One of my juniors had a wish to get a chance in films. And I being an intellectual senior (haha) guided them it's hard it's really hard, you have to be strong, you should firstly complete your studies and you should have connections. You have to get through so much you can't think of, if you can stand still in those tough situations, then you must give it a try.

From above Eg: it's pretty much clear how difficult it is and what kind of impression does it creates on people like me.

An AIR 7, in AIEEE Engineer  in Mechanical Engineering takes a risk of dropping out and after creating pretty much good base of work in Television enters Bollywood and what he experience there is Insult and nepotism. Even after doing far better films than his contemporaries no appreciation and no friends. He used to urge people to go and watch his film otherwise they will kick him out.  A person with high intelligence who talked about educational reforms astro physics, Invested in AI Company, followed International Space University gets what in return is threat of being left out, stress and stigma. Yes because illiterate people whose life just revolves around the OOTD, Prithvi Raj Chauhan as the President of India, and to whom Sanjeevni Booti was brought for Bhagwaan Ram  couldn't mark upto his intelligence. Capitalism in industry is what has taken all over control by a few families.It applies to every field and business.

Being from an Engineering background I feel "Wo ek Engineer hokar Bhi haar gya"(Here I judged him) how much pain he might be going through that ending life felt more easy than to live.

People who all are baatoing their Gyaan all over social media on depression and saying that call me whenever you feel are the ones who judge people for sharing their thoughts and ignore them. And don't realise that person might not be even able to utter why he feel so and just gets struck into the vicious cycle, where he might feel ending life is the only way to get out of it.

My Thoughts/learning/realization during this Lockdown amid SARS CoV-2

What I learnt and what are my thoughts during this Lockdown

• Vulnerable section i.e, the poor is the most and worst hit in any natural disasters/Pandemic
• Village isn't a village it's the one who is all the way fulfilling our food requirements, the most essential unit of economy
•  So from now Stop and think Before you say Bloody Villager
• Super Power can come on knees, with the cringe of overconfidence
• Capitalism is always not the solution
• Globalization has its own Pro's and Cons'
• The Local Governance must get empowerment.
• Labourer is the base of social infra, who bleed red and sweat to build a building, still don't get their share of livelihood in the time of Pandemic
• Workers collecting waste and cleaning are a gift, who were being taken for granted
• At the time of Natural Disaster the worst hit  are the women , Domestic Violence against women: Shadow Pandemic according to UN
• Gratitude towards every thing and everyone
• Satisfaction 
• Gratitude for the people and services they owe to us
• Patience is a key
• Community is the Home: In the time of Disaster/Pandemic one thought crosses the mind is Ghar Jana hai, be it a daily wager a labourer, student, or an affluent that community makes him feel safe
• Self Love is of  utter most importance
• One should live a solo life once in a while.. it teaches you so much
• We can live without fast food
• Every day is a Mother's Day/Father's Day/Valentine's Day writing long paragraphs won't take their share of work from them, it just need some time away from social media
• Dropping out of  education may not help you because today Doctors are the one who are being treated as diety, and Researchers doing their hell out of them to find the vaccine: Importance of School, Education, Institution
• Doctors are the real heroes not the Avengers
• ASHA worker are the pillars of village who need empowerment and skills
• Tiktok can snatch your patience and inner peace with 15sec video

Everyone might not share the same rapport or may not profess  with my words...

But thanks for reading...

Failures

    

        Your failures are going to make your TED Talks longer.

                    Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.” — Charlie Chaplin